Healing Heartbreak

In this world pain is inevitable and sometimes you find yourself in a situation that despite any insecurities you may have, even you couldn’t have envisioned happening.I had one of these moments recently, something I sort of just expected to be a permanent fixture in my life suddenly just wasn’t anymore and as invisible as I tried to make my pain to the world, it really broke my heart.Like all storms, the rain of this one did eventually pass, and I learnt to appreciate the sunshine that still very much existed in my world. Here are my personal tried and tested steps and tips to getting over a loss of a friendship/relationship and I really hope that if you too are going through the storm, they provide you a little guidance to finding your way back to sunnier days:

  1. Acceptance – before you can begin your healing process, you need to accept the situation fully. Denial won’t take the pain away, it will only delay it.
  2. Talk it out – no I don’t mean relentlessly bad mouthing the cause of your heartache – what good is that going to do? It may temporarily make you feel better but in the long term, you need to have peace with the situation to move on. If you don’t have anyone you feel comfortable talking to, write a letter, maybe even to the person who has hurt you and explain everything, every feeling – then burn the letter.
  3. Allowance – it’s okay if one morning you wake up feeling fine and 3 hours later your sobbing in the office bathroom. Allow yourself the time you need to grieve and don’t feel bad about it, all part of the process.
  4. Looking forward – okay so that person is no longer a permanent fixture in your life, there’s no guarantee that anyone in this world ever is, but that person NEVER defined you, your goals or your success. Tipex that part out of your future planned chapters and write new ones. Maybe ones that don’t depend on anyone. One thing I’ve learnt is that whilst it’s nice to have friends that learning to love yourself and depend on yourself will create the best friendship of them all.
  5. Remember – as much as you may have cared for someone you need to always remember that you don’t need anyone in your life that will cause you pain, humiliation or drama.
  6. Learn – recognise the failings you may have made in the friendship or relationship, accept that you probably weren’t perfect but DON’T dwell on them, just use them to better yourself. If you learn something from that person then it wasn’t all a waste of your invested time in them.
  7. Moving forward – when getting close to new people one of the lessons I learnt is, if someone is willing to bad mouth their other ‘friends’ and tell You other people’s private business, you’re a little bit silly for trusting that person with your personal information aren’t you? Be more selective when choosing people to be close to. Some people genuinely want to hear and help with your hardships, and others are simply  fuelled by your mishaps, building it into their memory bank of gossip. You know diaries aren’t that expensive when you feel the need to vent..
  8. Do good – whatever is happening in your life right now, there is almost always someone else that is going through something 100% worse. Doing small things from giving your smile to someone who looks like they are having a bad day, to helping an old lady across the road with her shopping, to donating money or time in a cause in need. These are the little things that you can do on the daily that help to make the world a better place and remind yourself of the person you are. Much nicer than dwelling on the negative opinions of others.
  9. Be Productive – all that energy your using to hurt or miss someone – try really hard redirect that energy, rebalance your focus towards existing and new projects. The more entwined you become with the outcome of your work and the success of your future, the less you will feel the need to look back.
  10. Closure – when you’re good and ready, it’s time to close the chapter. Writing this blog post, was my final closure.

~ Thanks for the memories
~ Love Blonde xo

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