Diary Of A Blonde - September 2017

So we’re 3/4s through the year of 2017 – has it been one of my favorites? One hundred percent not.
Have I learnt a lot? One thousand percent YES!
Has my life changed? There’s no percentage to define just how much my life HAS changed. And how it’s changed me too.
But where am I at right now?
Recovery & Rebuilding.

From April – August there was so much turmoil and change happening 80% of my focus was just surviving the day.
This year, I faced a breast cancer scare, relationship stuff I will never discuss on social media, binge eating, manic depression, a total loss of self esteem and I had to turn to medication for support, then get myself back off the medication when I felt I could face the world on my own again.

I’ve never been one to take medication, ever and that in itself is a declaration of just how bad things were in my head and you know these things don’t automatically go away with time – it takes a lot of work and courage to rebuild your life and confidence which is my top priority for the remaining of 2017.

Then there were the bad habits I created this year, such as said binge eating. This had been going on since the beginning of the year and it was down to pressure I had put on myself to look a specific way and neglecting my needs and wants.
This encouraged me to take my nutrition diploma and in turn helped me to create a business in which I can help others as well as giving me a healthier personal view on food and my body. So not all of 2017 was so bad!
Breaking habits such as binge eating in the fitness industry is very difficult, especially when you have people on social media watching your every move – the pressure often leads to behind closed doors rebellions followed by guilt and shame. Like magic when I backed away from Social Media and I started eating to take care of my health for MYSELF, the binging became less, and now I still have the occasional binges but they aren’t as often as before, and whilst I am disappointed in myself I don’t feel guilty when I do it, I just start my ‘no binge’ calendar again for myself.=

I’m also back to enjoying my training after an extended period of flaking out of the gym, but stopped profiling so much of it on social media, this was to differentiate me training for me, and me training because it was expected of me.
In my mind, what I am doing behind closed doors is more important that getting snippets for social media. I passed my personal training qualification this summer too and in a way I feel it is a duty to keep myself physically fit so I can motivate and inspire my clients without feeling like a hypocrite. In a way I would say I removed one form of keeping myself motivated (social media) with a much healthier way of keeping myself motivated and in the gym – my business. But it was MY business. My Body, My Business that I am investing MY personal time into. Equating success.

Do I still love social media? Sure! A lot of my coaching business has been based off the following I gained on social media, and a lot of the people I connect with inspire me still!! Plus friendships that will last forever.
The difference is, when I post now, it’s something genuine, in the moment that I WANT to post, it’s not because it’s 7.30pm on a Wednesday night and I should be in the gym so here I am proving to ya’ll that I am!

Personal relationships…. I parted ways, or distanced myself from many people this year because I felt that they would judge me for my burdens whilst I was going through my darkest months. This was in fact one of the better things I did during those months, because the people who really cared about me forced their way in and showed me. Now I am in a better place I am able to give back to them the time and love they deserve without my time being consumed with the people who stayed on the other side of the closed door – I wish them well with no illness in my heart.

Education: I mentioned that I graduated my qualifications in personal training and nutrition. Something else I have been educating myself in is the human mind, being more mindful and more grateful in my life. I started using the audible app to listen to self help audio books, putting into practice the things I learn such as daily affirmations, mindful eating, journaling, writing down my daily gratitude's. All of these things have shaped my ways to thinking differently and helped me become a person I am more proud of being after falling down so hard in the spring.

I can complain about how hard 2017 has been, but truthfully I am grateful, because of my struggles I am more motivated than I have ever been to look after myself, help others and progress in my knowledge, training and business.

As always, I look forward to what comes next. 

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