Don't Speak! I know what you're saying!

“If you want to get over a problem, stop talking about it. Your mind affects your mouth and your mouth and affects your mind.”

This statement could not be further from the truth.

I know people say speak to a someone – get it off your chest. Lately however I have started to find that the easiest way to deal with a situation is to not speak about it until I have at least started to deal with it in my head by which time I would have a more open approach to the situation. This open view allows me to see other sides of the story and allows me to approach the situation in a more mindful manner.

Now here’s the method behind my madness – 
Psychologists say a single trauma will affect you twice – once during the happening of the trauma and once again as you battle it out on replay in your head.

Now I know your mum, aunt, best friend and her cats mean well but when you take the battle in your head out onto the field, welcoming the opinions of others, their 2 pennies worth bathed in pity – it often escalates the negativity you feel around the situation and encourages you to stay in ‘Victim Mode’

See here’s the thing, I pride myself in being a very positive person and putting out as many positive vibes as I can breath to the people I meet. So when I air my dirty laundry it not only leaves me feeling exposed and vulnerable, I feel like its breathing negativity over others in my life too.

If I leave it until the situation has played out and I can see all the players in the field and their side of the story, when the subject is approached, I can handle it in a more mature & calm way.

Option One: Express Yo’self to whoever will listen

Me: “Omg, Joe Bloggs did this, this and this to me, I have been feeling so awful and I think it could lead to this”
Confident: “Wow that is really bad, Joe Bloggs is such a dick, I can’t believe he would do that to you, your poor thing! Your right, this could lead to this… and this…”
Me: “Wow I didn’t even think of those other consequences of that dick’s actions; this situation is even worse than I first imagined!!”

Option Two: Handled

Me: “Well it hasn’t been the best of times, I had a bit of a situation with someone I cared about, it didn’t work out for various reasons, but I have a handle on it and I can somewhat understand from his point of view why things played out the way they did”
Confident: “Tell me more! What did he do?”
Me: “I’d rather not, lets leave it in the past where it belongs. So, did you hear Fallout boy’s new album? Its pony isn’t it?”

Genuine feeling regarding Fallout boy’s album – but you get my jist, at no point in option two do I expose myself, the person or situation that has caused me pain and I don’t welcome pity. I change the subject to something else, and the situation is out of my mind even if only temporary.

I choose to keep myself as busy as I can when I’m going through a rough time, I’ll take on a new study (currently studying Neuro Linguistic Practioning) fill my time with work and errands and when I have a quiet moment I’ll try to get my head around it in my own time. Quite often I do most of this kind of thinking in the shower, in fact I get all my best thinking done in the shower – it’s where I came up with the content for this post!

If you do, feel like you need to speak to someone and journaling isn’t quite hitting the spot, make sure it’s with either a friend you really trust – someone with an open mind that may be able to point out the other side of the coin but isn’t going to escalate your pain – word to the wise, some people don’t actually care about your problems, they just get enjoyment out of the ‘gossip’ so be careful about who you choose to share the dutty details with or seek professional help from someone who may be able to get to the bottom of why you are reacting in the way you are to a situation opening you up to other ways of dealing with the thoughts going around your head.

Anyways, hope this has helped someone as much as it’s helped me writing this – I know these blog posts don’t go into the details of my hardships, but I am sharing the methods I am learning to deal with them.

-        -  Blonde xo 

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