Dear Diary... 21st May 2018

So I sat down tonight to do a journal entry... then I thought well I haven't blogged for a while... why not share my journal entry with you all... here goes...

I have been as shocking at journaling as I have been blogging.. I get distracted with things in life, that stop me from doing the things I love most. I've noticed that a lot about me lately and it's something I really have to work on. 
I've been feeling a bit out of sorts these last 24 hours... I think a bit of a come down after a crazy couple of weeks. From meeting some of my inspirations at Bodypower expo, my mini vacay in Barcelona, helping coffee veterans out at the big rugby event and then yesterday morning my photoshoot - life's been a little wild and very exciting. Then yesterday afternoon it all went a little quiet and I thought to myself, shit, what's next?
I have some things planned in June - and if all goes to plan from the end of June I'll be praying for these quiet moments. 
So I kinda used it to reflect on the best bits that have made me proud over the last month.... 
I preach an independent life of loving yourself and being okay on your own - and that's something I believe you should do whether you're single, in a relationship, confused AF. However it's not something that comes naturally to me. It's something I have to work on. So when I was walking around a foreign city entirely on my own taking in everything I saw - it was the most, empowering moment I have ever had in my entire life. I was so proud of myself taking on this big city and not being afraid, not being embarrassed that I was alone, just simply embracing everything about that moment. 
The photoshoot.... I did not prep to the best of my ability, not even close for this photoshoot, then about 2 weeks before the shoot - I nearly pulled out completely. I was heavier than when I started the prep, I wasn't enjoying the dieting, I wasn't enjoying my training and I was exhausted from stressing over it. Well I didn't cancel the shoot. I just took a totally different approach to it. I decided I was going to embrace my body, exactly the way it looked. Soon as I settled with that thought, I started eating more mindfully to nourish my body and started feeling more confident about standing there giving it my all. 
Shoot day came, I had fun with a what will be will be attitude and from what I've seen... we got some pretty good shots! Shout out to my photographer Matt for being the most patient person ever as I changed my mind continuously over the last 6 weeks in regards to what kind of shoot I wanted to do... 
Anyways... my point is, the things I've been doing lately I've been petrified of, and I still did them... so I'm proud of that. 
Given myself a couple of extra days off from the gym and I have an idea.. of what comes next.... but the main thing I want to focus on right now is spending time with myself and liking my own company and not having those oh shit what do I do next, where am I going moments that set me off into a panic. Just letting things be and enjoying the quiet before the storm. 
Because you know.... the craziest moments nearly always happen when you're least expecting it!

Until Next Time - xox

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